The 5 Takeaways I Discovered During Intentional October.

When I think back on the month of October, I am a bit baffled by how much actually occurred in just one month. I personally experienced a lot in just a mere 31 days! Several destination weddings, budding work assignments, my son's accident, a nasty bout of sickness - all in the midst of a month where I was attempting significant lifestyle change. There were so many times during the past month where I felt the temptation to let go of my Intentional October goals because I was just exhausted by all the life going on around me. There were so many "good" reasons why I could have/should have - but I felt an urgency to keep going. To do my best, even if I slipped up a little here or there.

I learned some mini lessons along the way, like putting my phone away at 8:30pm, because it makes for a more peaceful, focused evening for family time. Like putting lemon in my gigantic Nalgene of water, because that makes it more palatable first thing in the morning. Oh, and one of my favorites - if a task takes me under one minute to complete, like cleaning up a few dishes after lunch or putting my shoes and purse away when I get home, go ahead and do it. It makes for less compounded amounts of work later on in the day. I learned these little things by really focusing on my day, seeing where I was losing time and being pulled away from my intentions. But these were just little things - I want to share a few of my big takeaways from this experimental month.

1. I am a Powerful Person.
I am capable of a great deal.

It's taken me a loooong time to adjust to life with a baby, and it's taken me even longer to figure out how to do my own life after taking care of all his needs first. It's an exhausting, emotional, never ending merry-go-round of making sure that my son Everett has all his needs met, and then, Stevie's too, and oh yeah, maybe a few of mine here or there. But in October, I took the time to focus on what I really want (which were these very basic, tactical goals) and prioritizing them helped me actually do what needed to be done. I was able to be more productive, more active and more energized because I was actually getting my goals accomplished, little by little. And it made me realize that I'm not only a powerful person, but I've always been a powerful person. I'm just now figuring out how to exert my strength in a way that first and foremost covers my family, but still leaves lots of energy for my goals to be followed through. And discovering my power, especially in this demanding season of life - that is a treasure. I'm proud of me.

2. ... but I am only a Person.
It's impossible to discover strength without uncovering portholes of personal weakness.

In the midst of all the exhilarating strides forward, there were times this month where I was just tired. There were times where I was overwhelmed by the life occurring in my household, times where I was crazy scared (like when I stayed up all night in the ER with my baby son), and times where I was faced with hard choices. Those times made it difficult to see the point of Intentional October. I knew that it was important to me, but in those extenuating circumstances, it certainly didn't seem to matter as much. I was just trying to keep my head above water.

I think that's okay. That's real life. Midway through the month I shared about having grace on myself, because truly, that grace helped me stop punishing myself for stumbling a bit and actually keep me going towards my goals. I could have just gotten bummed for staying up late a few nights in a row and just quit Intentional October all together. But instead, I just forgave myself for not being absolutely perfect, and kept going. And you know what? I'm more proud of that than for actually hitting all my targets head-on. Learning how to handle life's ups and downs is easier said than done. But I am doing it.

3. In order to DO MORE, I must DO LESS.
It's a simple exchange.

Honestly, when I started Intentional October, I had no idea how I was going to make my goals happen. I had a plan, but I was nervous about trying to do SO MANY new things all at once. I didn't want to set myself up for failure, but I also knew that I needed a shock to my system. And over the course of the month, I learned that trying a lot of new things at once isn't impossible, not at all, but it meant that I had to take away some things. In order to add new habits to my life, I had to remove old habits. In order to read more books, I had to watch less TV. In order to wake up earlier, I had to go to bed earlier. In order to drink more water, I had to drink less coffee. Oh let's be honest, I think I figured out a way to drink the same amount of coffee. Maybe even more, with all those early mornings! But this was an interesting discovery, the whole "to do more, you must do less" revelation. Which kind of leads to the next takeaway:

4. Say No.
Go ahead. Do it. It's gooooooood for you.

I'm a bible banger. Matthew 5:37 says, "Let your yes be YES. Let your no be NO."  For me, this verse is so relevant. When I tried to say YES to everything that sounded good this past month, I was overwhelmed with chaos and to-do's. I realized that I can't say too many yes-es. But what worked really well was saying NO. When I said no to things, even good things that I wanted to say yes to - I felt a sense of peace and ownership over my life and my time. A firm NO meant that I could say a triumphant YES to something else. And saying NO just relieved me in so many ways. I had to cancel plans, I had to tell people that I love "no" to things that sounded great - but by doing that, I maintained a peace that was better for me AND for my people. Actively letting my yes be YES and my no be NO made me stronger, more peaceful and much more intentional.

5. Remember the "Why".
It's the driver behind every menial and magnetic action you take.

Why did I attempt change in October in the first place? I've had to remind myself. It's an important driver in the whole goal-making and goal-keeping process. I attempted change in October because in September, I was in a funk. And I am responsible for me. So anytime I got frustrated or overwhelmed this past month (or when I said too many yes-es and not enough no's), I had to take a deep breath and remind myself WHY I was doing all of this. For my own emotional health. For my own personal goals to be fulfilled. To be happy and healthy and to have an abundance of energy and love for myself and my family.

The Stuff of an Intentional Life.
Learning that I'm a powerful human, but still human, is an illuminating truth that is best lived out loud. Here I am, in all my messy vulnerable glory, sharing with you that I am not perfect. And I am perfectly fine with it. My flaws make me real, my yearning makes me real, my humanism might be weak but my spirit is strong strong strong. My penchant for tardiness makes me immature. But my attempt at being early, not just on time; well, eventually I am going to own that life skill. And I will be the girl that is known for respecting everyone so much because I was ON TIME for their thing. That's what this Intentional October month has taught me. It's not about being perfect, it's not about being the most militant, religiously disciplined person on the planet, but it is about creating a healthy structure that I can springboard from. If I'm in the habit of going to bed super early and waking up super early, all to attack that to-do list before my son arises - well, then from time to time, I will be able to deviate from that structure. When life just happens. And I will be able to bounce back into it more quickly.

I am excited to keep moving forward! I have seen so much positive personal change and growth this past month, that I feel like it's been a year! I am adopting these habits from here on out, because I love them. When I hit all of them in one day, I feel like a total rock star. And if I don't hit all of them everyday, I am still a rock star. I am pretty thrilled, because all this effort seems to be paying off. I've scored a handful of freelance writing gigs that I wouldn't have had the time/energy/capacity for in the previous months. But as many of you know, I love writing (obviously, hello, blogger), and I am thrilled for the opportunity to challenge and grow myself in this area. So thank YOU for your support, camaraderie and encouragement during this past month. It's been an enormous source of sustenance.

I want to hear about your experiences! So many of you shared with me as you were going along, and I want to know how your Intentional October goals finished up for you. Did you feel good about the changes you made? Did you feel like you fumbled them? Either way, you are a ROCK STAR. Talk to me, friends! XOX

P.S. - Interested in what Intentional October is all about? Check out why I decided to get intentional in October, the tactics and goals I challenged myself with, and my first week, second week, and third week progress reports :)

Happening Lately.

Happy Monday, friends!

I hope your weekend was less soggy than mine :) We've been having some dreary, sopping weather that has stretched into weeks over here. I don't mind the rain at all, it's nice to fall asleep with that hushing sound in the background - but - enough is enough. My son really wants to play outside. I want to run outside! It's time, dear clouds, for you to PART.

Which takes me back to last weekend, when we frolicked on the sunny beach for a total of 30 minutes.

We've had a wild few weeks! Two weddings, two weekends in a row! My sister's at the beach, my friend's at the farm. So much love to be celebrated, and it's such a blessing to be part of people choosing each other forever. I'm really honored. I have no "good" photos, because when you're in a wedding you're BUSY. But I have a messy array of selfies haha. I feel like a 13-year old.

As much as I have loved every minute of celebrating these gorgeous couples and their promise to love and to cherish - I have also have missed being away from my son so much. Yesterday I pretty much pummeled him with hugs and kisses and way too much excitement. I made him lay in bed with me, which was nearly impossible, because he is budding into toddler-hood beautifully and wants to MOVE. That's when I pull out my iPhone and we play a few apps and I pretend like he just wants to sit there and snuggle with mama without the coaxing of baby apps. And guys! He's finally saying it! MAMA. He's been saying Dada since he started talking, and he would say Mama every blue moon, but it always came out of his mouth kind of like an accident. But NOW! He looks right at me and says "Mama!" and I can't believe how my insides just turn melty and it's so wonderful. How does this little person have so much power over me? A simple word is arresting.

I'm looking forward to settling into some "normal" life and getting ready for Thanksgiving in a few weeks. Clean up my haphazard-looking garden. Maybe clean the bathrooms, too. And do a few fun holiday things. Like figure out where I'm going to put a CHRISTMAS TREE in my new house! And maybe make an advent calendar :) You know, normal things. I hope you are doing well and settling nicely into this fall season that we're having! I've got some fun posts for this week so make sure to check back tomorrow! Love love love.

Halloween In St. Augustine.

Last weekend was, quite literally, a blur. A stupendous, messy, spastic blur. It actually feels more like a dream than something really that actually happened, when I sit down to think of it. My family all convened in St. Augustine, Florida to celebrate my sister's wedding. But we also celebrated my niece's birthday the night beforehand with a massive party and oh yeah, this was all on Halloween, too. It was crazy fun and also just a little bit crazy. I am so grateful when my family is all together because it's a rarer occasion these days. It's one of those things that has to be cherished, and every time we're all together, I can't help but hope and wonder when the next time will be. Is that fatalistic or something? Never living in the moment? I don't know, but I try. I really try. I just love these souls so much!

My beautiful Aunt Shirley flew in for all the occasions and I truly can never get enough time with that amazing woman. She's the kind of person you want to corner at a cocktail party, stuff hors d'oeuvres in your face and just listen to - listen to her brilliance (she's a PhD in psychology, WHOA), listen to her traveling tales, listen to her Italian embellishment. It's just the very most fun.

My sister knows how to party. She dressed up her daughter the birthday girl as Star Bright, and she was Star Light (Star Bright's mom I think? I'm not up on my unicorn fanfare). I was completely lame this year and sort of forgot about costuming me and Stevie - oops! There's been a lot going on! But Everett went as a little fish. To be honest, he wasn't really that into it either. I think he was mesmerized by his Auntie Star Light, to be honest. Okay, I was a little too. I mean. LOOK AT HER.

That's a horn.

That's a tail.

That's my sister.

We are weird people.

I love it.

A few more of the evening's festivities:

That's my family - we are strange, we are off-center, we are goofy and over-dramatic and overly-celebratory and emotional and about a million other grand adjectives. I adore these precious cogs in the universe, weaving in my world a steadfast harmony of perfect, fearless love and overwhelming acceptance and appreciation for each other. I am learning learning learning all the time about this love - this love that trusts and celebrates and doesn't entertain a worry for the future. I'm grateful for this family that allows me to practice that love, day in and day out, letting me make epic mistakes, holding my hand while I figure out the right way, and encouraging the heck of that journey. Love is such a journey, friends. I am learning how to cultivate this pure kind of love, so I can be the best wife, the best mom, the best daughter and sister - and those are all the same kind of love, but they're really different too. Sometimes I fail at showing the right kind of love. Sometimes I'm a crummy sister. Sometimes I'm a selfish wife. Sometimes I'm a scared mom. But I am trying, re-trying, re-working this stockpile of love in my gut, attempting to get it right. To show it right. To be right-minded. And really - aren't we all? Well, those are my Halloween revelations for you. I guess that star light really hit me smack in the head. I hope your Halloween was happy and fulfilling and sugary, my friends :)

PS - I am heading into another wedding weekend! My dear old friend is getting hitched and I get to be with her every step of the way this weekend. I am the luckiest, being surrounded by ALL THIS LOVE. xox.

How to Make Your Own Roasted Pumpkin & Apple Butter.

Happy Wednesday, friends! I promised you last week that I would share my roasted pumpkin & apple butter recipe with you, because I love you, and you're worth it, and because you need this butter in your life. Every single fall day. And actually, it's not butter at all, it's just that consistency and it's perfectly used like butter. Only better. It's BETTER BUTTER. It's so easy to make, you guys. This recipe just kills me, because it's SO easy and the outcome tastes like something out of Martha's kitchen. I truly feel like a little southern belle, keeping a stockpile of this in my fridge during the cooler autumn/winter months. It's delicious on anything - spread on toast, mixed into oatmeal, dolloped on yogurt, eaten with ice cream, smeared on baked chicken - the possibilities are literally endless. Literally. Just grab a few mason jars (I love these and these for canning), your crockpot and let's do this thing!

Roasted Pumpkin & Apple Butter.
Ingredients:
- 1 Sugar Pumpkin
- 5-6 apples, different varieties
- 1/4 cup maple syrup
- 1 tsp. pure vanilla
- 1 tsp. cinnamon
- 1/5 tsp. Nutmeg

Method:
1. Heat oven to 350 degrees. Now throw your pumpkin in there. Just kidding! You have to wait for it to heat up - silly rabbit. But in all seriousness, don't bother attempting to slice that pumpkin - just put in on a baking sheet and roast it whole in the oven! It's seriously so much easier than almost hacking off your arm in an attempt to pre-slice it. There's no need. Once it's good and roasty, we can easily slice it and scoop out the seeds. So once the oven is preheated, place the pumpkin in the oven and roast it for 45 minutes. This is when you watch Netflix and chuckle to yourself about how domestic you are, ROASTING A PUMPKIN. Maybe Instagram it. It's that good.

Don't look too closely. I desperately need some new baking sheets. I have my eye on these.

2. After 45 minutes, remove the pumpkin from the oven. It should be incredibly easy to slice open, which is exactly what you want to do. I first cut off the stem, then sliced the whole pumpkin down the center. Allow it to sit on a cutting board and cool a bit.

I shared this photo on Instagram last week because I loved it so much. My little kitchen helper and his little apple-stealing paws :)

3. Once the pumpkin has cooled and is easy to work with, go ahead and scoop out the seeds and inner stringy meat. Put those aside in a bowl - you might want to do something with that mixture later! Roasted pumpkin seeds perhaps?

4. Then go ahead and scoop out the "good stuff" - all that inner pumpkin which is so creamy and sweet and earthy. You should sneak a taste; it's so good.

5. Place all the scooped out pumpkin into a crockpot. Set the crockpot over low heat.

6. Wash and dice up all your apples. I personally leave the skins on, because it's just extra work removing them. It doesn't make a difference when the butter is finished buttering - the skin will get all roasty and melty just like the rest of the apples. So only remove the skins if you have a thing about it. You don't need to. I did mention that this is the easiest recipe ever, right? Just making sure. This is where you chuckle to yourself again.

7. Toss the diced apples into the crockpot, along with the rest of the ingredients - maple syrup, vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg. You will already be able to smell the goodness. Now close up the crockpot top and leave it alone!

8. Let the mixture cook forever. Like, at least 6-8 hours. I prefer cooking it on low for a long time, because it just gets that good, simmered situation going. I'm sure you could cook it on high for a shorter period of time, if you're in a hurry. I didn't mind taking longer with it, because it made my house smell like an autumnal haven of pumpkin glory. BONUS.

9. Once the mixture has completely broken up and reaches an even consistency, go ahead and load the mixture into your mixer or blender. You might have to do this in batches, depending on how big your blender is. I use a Vitamix (because God is good to me, and gave me loving parents who Christmas-gifted me a Vita, which I consider my child) but that's not necessary - any blender, stand mixer or hand mixer will work perfectly. Pulse the mixture on high for just a few moments, whipping it into a buttery consistency. Do not overmix.

10. Voila! Your butter is complete! Now load it into your canning jars and dole those things out like candy. If you can stand to give it away, this makes an amazing gift. I normally end up standing in the kitchen, eating the hot butter for like ten minutes before I can even bear to begin canning it. This recipe should make 4 16-oz. jars of butter. Unless one of those jars "suddenly disappears."

Eat and eat and eat and eat. This butter is shown with my Pumpkin Beer Bread recipe. Which is just a really good direction to go with it :) Let me know how this roasted pumpkin & apple butter goes for you friends! Happy buttering to you!

Farmer's Market Finds With My Sister.

My sister got married this past weekend. It was a gorgeous, memorable, beachside ceremony and I am so happy for her. Because life obviously changes SO MUCH after you get married, I wanted to make sure to spend as much time with her as humanly possible before the wedding. In the weeks leading up to her nuptials, I was soaking up EVERY moment with her. I invited her over every single day. And made her do life things with me. And force fed her all the autumn things I've been cooking. And made her play with my baby. No I'm kidding, she actually wanted to do those things because she is the best sister. And we did wedding stuff, too. But since she is moving an hour and a half away when she returns from her honeymoon (WAAAAHHHHHH), I just wanted to absorb every opportunity to spend time with her before her life changes. Marriage will do that, folks.

Last weekend we hit the Farmers's Market in my town. And we went via golf cart! Have I told you that we drive golf carts around like cars? Well in my town there is more golf cart mileage than actual road mileage, which makes it ridiculously easy to get almost everywhere on the golf cart. So on top of the alfresco ride, we enjoyed the quaint fall activity of trolling the farmers market in search of everything home grown and specialty. And I got to soak up sister time and taste test peppers and goat cheese and preserves and it was pretty much perfect.

Everett loved strolling around and listening to this beautiful steel guitar. The musician was just plucking away happily, in no hurry to finish his songs. If he had been playing "Autumn Leaves" I might very well had died and gone to heaven right there. It was pretty perfect.

Ignore my wrist brace. It looks worse than it is. Just from carrying around a heavy, casted baby these days. :) But check out that okra!!!

So, we often play telephone with bananas, and when I got some of this eggplant, we couldn't really resist. Usually Elmo calls me. I don't know who calls Everett, he's already pretty private about his phone conversations.

AND I found out that my friend Tim's family has a farm, and they were selling at the market! So if you're in the PTC area, you should totally check out the Sacred Grounds Farm booth. And get the okra. And maybe some zinnias, just for fun.

It was a day of Farmers Market successes. Not only did I soak up sister time, which was the BEST, but I got to pick up some produce that I would never usually buy, like red and green okra and Japanese eggplant. If you have any inspiring recipes involving those ingredients, I'm all ears! What are your favorite farmer's market finds?