My 2016 Resolutions.

Oooooh MONDAY. I'm ready for you this time. I hope your weekend was a blast, friends. We spent the weekend cleaning out Christmas (I might have dragged it out a bit) and rearranging all our furniture. Because, January. I'll have to post some of our living room photos over the next few weeks, because I am really liking our new set up. But that's not what today is about at all.

Resolutions, guys! Resolutions!! I am feeling so motivated! This is one of my favorite times of year, because the slate is clean and the mind is clear and there is NOTHING holding me back. Except for the limitations I put on myself.

Some of you might remember my Intentional October journey, which really kick-started my personal motivation and helped me develop a bit more discipline in some areas of my life that were lacking. Not all of those disciplines have stuck around, but I am ready to enact (most) of them again, because I felt so amazing when I was in that mode. Waking up super early, spending time stretching and reading the bible and writing before Everett even made a peep. It was glorious. And going to bed early, NOT watching TV, reading books. It sounds so silly and simple. But I never felt so good. My mind was clear, my body was rested, and I felt really energetic. As my bro-in-law Brent would say, I was running on Tiger Blood. I think that means something really good.

So Intentional October is following me throughout January. And I know it's going to make a big different in the rest of my resolutions... Here they are.

Food.
Clean up my diet. Prepare healthier, delicious meals for myself and my family.

Why? Because I want to live long and be really strong. We eat pretty healthy as a family, and mostly cook at home, but there is definitely room for improvement. I love to cook, but I find myself in a rut a lot of the time, and I tend to fall back on making the same comfort foods when I don't know what else to make. As a way to kick some bad habits and create some healthier ones, Stevie and I are beginning the Whole30 challenge TODAY, and I welcome anyone who wants to join me. It's a 30-day wellness eating plan (NOT a diet), focusing on whole foods such as protein, vegetables and fruits. There is a ton of wonderful info about it up on the site, and I found this book and this cook book extremely enlightening as I made my plan.

Fitness.
Gym 2X per week. Cardio 2X per week.

I have the time. There is always time. I just have to manage my time more efficiently to make this commitment a non-negotiable one in my schedule. That's what it's really all about with any of these resolutions, right? Make them appointments in your planner, things that can't be bumped by other commitments.

If I can hit the gym on the days that Everett is at "school" and take him on jogs/walks (usually over to his favorite park) on other days of the week, then we would be golden. It sounds easy, but over the past several weeks, the crazy amounts of rain and freezing cold windy weather has really cramped our healthy, outdoorsy style. I've actually been squeezing in some of Tracy Anderson's quick shape-up videos in my living room and I am loving them! She is so intense and so good.

Finances.
Budget and save better than ever.

We bought a house this year. That's the biggest item I've ever bought. By far. And along with that comes the desire to make changes and decorate and blah blah blah - basically I want to empty our bank account into our home design budget. In an effort to NOT blow the budget and instead save even more responsibly than ever, we have decided to host a Dave Ramsey Financial Freedom course at our house with some friends from church. By host, I mean be the host house. We are in no way advising friends on finances haha, that's Dave's job. But I am excited for the camaraderie and making a really strategic plan for our budget. We love using our budget tool, YNAB to keep track of our expenses and stay on track, but there is always room to be more disciplined and strategic. We want to be generous people, excellent stewards of what we have, and have a healthy mindset when it comes to our finances. So we begin our course this week! Wahoo. Oh adulthood. I never in my life thought I would be excited about a FINANCE class.

Favorites.
Make more music.

You know that I love to write. But you might not know that writing music is how Stevie and I fell in love. Yes, you can groan while imagining my googly face right now. A good ten years ago, we were writing music together and drinking Starbucks apple cider and those lyrics in my notebook turned into moments of love. Before and after we were married, we had the privilege of playing, singing and leading worship together at our church, and spent a ton of our free time writing and developing music. When we moved to Boston and he went to grad school and I pursued acting in NYC and then we HAD A BABY and bought at house, music kind of took a backseat. But it's something that is so intrinsic to who we are and we miss it. A lot. So we are putting it back in the front seat and making time to develop our sound once again. We are still hammering out the details of what this goal looks like - do we want to have written 100 songs by the end of the year? That was a resolution goal of our friend John a few years ago, and he totally slam dunked it. Such an inspiration. Do we want to play in coffee shops/bars? Do we want to record an EP? Haha we are in the dreaming phase again. But we do know we are dedicating an evening a week to it. And we shall see how this artistic side of ourselves develops once again :)

There it is! I feel pretty vulnerable putting my resolutions out there for everyone to see every year, but I know that it will help solidify my commitment to them. I am using my handy dandy self-made proverb to encourage myself and keep my head on straight. You know, along with the actual Proverbs :)

How are your resolutions stacking up? Any resolution-keeping tips?

P.S. - If you haven't already taken the reader survey, I would love it if you would take 2 minutes to share what you think about the blog! And many thanks to all of you who have already taken it - I've been reading the results as they come in. Your words and suggestions are speaking to my heart, so thank you. xox

Why You Should Create a New Year's Resolution Proverb.

New Year's resolutions can be so daunting. It always feels like a long laundry list of reactive items - eat better, exercise more, watch less TV, read more books, etc. It just seems like a reaction to bad behavior. Which makes the resolutions seems a bit like punishment. I'm not a self-punisher type. I don't get motivated by that kind of pain. So I took some time to really think during the gap week between Christmas and New Years about resolutions. The ones I made last year, and how they worked out for me. I actually did accomplish them, each in unique ways. It's always funny and a little embarrassing to look back on previous resolutions, because I personally am always like, "Really?? That was a goal of mine?!" But it was. I'm learning to own my stuff.

As for the resolutions themselves - last year's were so whimsical it still makes me laugh. I actually did a fair amount of bird watching, I watercolor painted greeting cards and mailed them out to friends, I definitely exercised more than I did the previous year (when I was pregnant, haha), and I vastly improved the function, aesthetic and content of this blog. Those were all my resolution goals from last year, and I made great strides in all those areas. Pat on the back, Kristen.

Looking ahead, I have so many ideas for 2016. My mind is spilling over like a bowl full of punch, and I am splashing all over the places the past few days, spewing out ideas to Stevie every other hour. Which is good. I feel like a Pantone color book of swatches - so many shades and tints and so many ideas and they're all beautiful and fascinating and exotic and exciting and how can I possibly anchor all of these?! So I'm trying to take some deep breaths, and you know, edit. But I will say that I've finally honed in on my proverb/mantra/motto (choose your favorite term) for the New Year, and I feel an enormous amount of conviction in it.

Simplify everything.

Be brave and know that you belong.

Follow your instinct.

You can totally make mistakes.

Be excellent and intentional in everything.

These five sentences are my guidepost. I will have to remind myself of them over and over again, but they will serve as my cornerstone encouragement for the year. These words just strike the right chord in my heart.

Why should you create a New Year's Resolution Proverb?

1. To encourage yourself in moments of doubt.

2. To strengthen yourself in moments of weakness.

3. To remind yourself of who you are. And why you're here.

4. And because tailoring your own Proverb totally makes your resolutions feel more significant. Am I right?

Figuring out your Proverb is actually a lot easier than it seems. Don't think, just let a few words flow. Sometimes our convictions are just on the tip of our tongue, or the forefront of our mind. We just have to give ourselves a bit of permission to encourage ourselves. Isn't that kind of funny? It's so easy to encourage our friends and loved ones, but ourselves? Sometimes we have a tricky time with it. Just do it! Figuring out your Proverb (or "guidepost") will help point you towards your goals every single time.

Or if you're having writer's block, you can totally use mine. I love sharing.

How are you feeling about New Years?! How are your resolutions shaping up? Does having a Proverb seem like a strange concept, or does that totally make sense to you? Talk to me!

Forgiving Yourself.

Resolutions are so fleeting, friends. Which is why I've really taken some time to think through mine this time around. And as I've been making little lists all over the house for things I need to do, buy, get rid of, replace - something kind of significant hit me.

I've been weighed down by some self-imposed guilt.

Some of you might think, well, what's new? Self-guilt is so obviously a part of our lives, as women and especially as moms.

But you guys! It shouldn't be. We shouldn't be walking around with a tally in our heads, of what we didn't accomplish for the day. It's self-sabotage. And it's working! Do any of you do that? Am I alone in this? I know I'm not. I can't be.

Dishes didn't get done.
House looks trashed.
Blog post didn't get posted.
Didn't send out enough pitch emails today.
Did I play enough with Everett? Does he feel well-loved by me today?
Didn't make a healthy dinner. Grilled cheese.
Clearly didn't exercise. Gym? What gym??
Didn't spend enough quality time with Stevie. Does he feel well-loved by me today?

Do I feel well-loved by me today??

The questions and judgements are dizzying. And they didn't come from anyone else. No one asked me those questions. No one pointed that finger at me. Except for me.

Sometimes I'm hard on myself. But that's not a cute realization. It's not a form of humility, being hard on yourself. It doesn't sharpen me into being a better person. And it certainly doesn't inform my marriage, my motherhood, my friendships or my work in a healthy way. In fact, over time, this way of thinking will drain my energy and creativity for all those entities.

So before I even think about goals, or resolutions, or dreams for the new year, I need to level with myself.

Are you ready to level with yourself?

I've been thinking a lot about this. If I'm going to make any kind of difference in my personal life this year, probably the best thing I can do is start with forgiveness. I need to be good to myself.

I forgive me. For sometimes crapping out on stuff.

I am going to try to do better this year. I might not do better, but I am giving myself permission to start with a fresh, clean slate. A clean, bright horizon for new possibilities. I am not going to be weighed down by what I "should have done better/more of/less of" in 2015. That list is long. Whatever. I am visualizing that long list. And now I am visualizing throwing that list in the trash.

Actually, I just slam dunked it. In some really fresh Nikes.

I encourage you to forgive yourself today. There is nothing that is more freeing, more illuminating, and more nourishing than being really good to yourself. Recognizing where your strengths ran out in the past. Coming to terms with the areas where you made mistakes. Understanding what held you back from being your best version of you. Gossip, love of money, lack of money, fear, fear of rejection, dreams lost, doors closed, relationships ending badly - whatever it may be, it's truly in the past now. And the best you can do for you is to see it for what it is, acknowledge its part of your journey, and say goodbye. Forgive others, if you need to. Forgive yourself, most definitely.

And now. There is nothing holding you back from running fast and strong into the rising blue-skied horizon. That horizon is yours. And you can run (in some really fresh Nikes) toward all the goals bursting forth in your heart. Without resentment. Without punishment. Without that gnawing self-sabotage lurking just behind you.

Join me. Begin this year by being really, really good to yourself.

The 5 Takeaways I Discovered During Intentional October.

When I think back on the month of October, I am a bit baffled by how much actually occurred in just one month. I personally experienced a lot in just a mere 31 days! Several destination weddings, budding work assignments, my son's accident, a nasty bout of sickness - all in the midst of a month where I was attempting significant lifestyle change. There were so many times during the past month where I felt the temptation to let go of my Intentional October goals because I was just exhausted by all the life going on around me. There were so many "good" reasons why I could have/should have - but I felt an urgency to keep going. To do my best, even if I slipped up a little here or there.

I learned some mini lessons along the way, like putting my phone away at 8:30pm, because it makes for a more peaceful, focused evening for family time. Like putting lemon in my gigantic Nalgene of water, because that makes it more palatable first thing in the morning. Oh, and one of my favorites - if a task takes me under one minute to complete, like cleaning up a few dishes after lunch or putting my shoes and purse away when I get home, go ahead and do it. It makes for less compounded amounts of work later on in the day. I learned these little things by really focusing on my day, seeing where I was losing time and being pulled away from my intentions. But these were just little things - I want to share a few of my big takeaways from this experimental month.

1. I am a Powerful Person.
I am capable of a great deal.

It's taken me a loooong time to adjust to life with a baby, and it's taken me even longer to figure out how to do my own life after taking care of all his needs first. It's an exhausting, emotional, never ending merry-go-round of making sure that my son Everett has all his needs met, and then, Stevie's too, and oh yeah, maybe a few of mine here or there. But in October, I took the time to focus on what I really want (which were these very basic, tactical goals) and prioritizing them helped me actually do what needed to be done. I was able to be more productive, more active and more energized because I was actually getting my goals accomplished, little by little. And it made me realize that I'm not only a powerful person, but I've always been a powerful person. I'm just now figuring out how to exert my strength in a way that first and foremost covers my family, but still leaves lots of energy for my goals to be followed through. And discovering my power, especially in this demanding season of life - that is a treasure. I'm proud of me.

2. ... but I am only a Person.
It's impossible to discover strength without uncovering portholes of personal weakness.

In the midst of all the exhilarating strides forward, there were times this month where I was just tired. There were times where I was overwhelmed by the life occurring in my household, times where I was crazy scared (like when I stayed up all night in the ER with my baby son), and times where I was faced with hard choices. Those times made it difficult to see the point of Intentional October. I knew that it was important to me, but in those extenuating circumstances, it certainly didn't seem to matter as much. I was just trying to keep my head above water.

I think that's okay. That's real life. Midway through the month I shared about having grace on myself, because truly, that grace helped me stop punishing myself for stumbling a bit and actually keep me going towards my goals. I could have just gotten bummed for staying up late a few nights in a row and just quit Intentional October all together. But instead, I just forgave myself for not being absolutely perfect, and kept going. And you know what? I'm more proud of that than for actually hitting all my targets head-on. Learning how to handle life's ups and downs is easier said than done. But I am doing it.

3. In order to DO MORE, I must DO LESS.
It's a simple exchange.

Honestly, when I started Intentional October, I had no idea how I was going to make my goals happen. I had a plan, but I was nervous about trying to do SO MANY new things all at once. I didn't want to set myself up for failure, but I also knew that I needed a shock to my system. And over the course of the month, I learned that trying a lot of new things at once isn't impossible, not at all, but it meant that I had to take away some things. In order to add new habits to my life, I had to remove old habits. In order to read more books, I had to watch less TV. In order to wake up earlier, I had to go to bed earlier. In order to drink more water, I had to drink less coffee. Oh let's be honest, I think I figured out a way to drink the same amount of coffee. Maybe even more, with all those early mornings! But this was an interesting discovery, the whole "to do more, you must do less" revelation. Which kind of leads to the next takeaway:

4. Say No.
Go ahead. Do it. It's gooooooood for you.

I'm a bible banger. Matthew 5:37 says, "Let your yes be YES. Let your no be NO."  For me, this verse is so relevant. When I tried to say YES to everything that sounded good this past month, I was overwhelmed with chaos and to-do's. I realized that I can't say too many yes-es. But what worked really well was saying NO. When I said no to things, even good things that I wanted to say yes to - I felt a sense of peace and ownership over my life and my time. A firm NO meant that I could say a triumphant YES to something else. And saying NO just relieved me in so many ways. I had to cancel plans, I had to tell people that I love "no" to things that sounded great - but by doing that, I maintained a peace that was better for me AND for my people. Actively letting my yes be YES and my no be NO made me stronger, more peaceful and much more intentional.

5. Remember the "Why".
It's the driver behind every menial and magnetic action you take.

Why did I attempt change in October in the first place? I've had to remind myself. It's an important driver in the whole goal-making and goal-keeping process. I attempted change in October because in September, I was in a funk. And I am responsible for me. So anytime I got frustrated or overwhelmed this past month (or when I said too many yes-es and not enough no's), I had to take a deep breath and remind myself WHY I was doing all of this. For my own emotional health. For my own personal goals to be fulfilled. To be happy and healthy and to have an abundance of energy and love for myself and my family.

The Stuff of an Intentional Life.
Learning that I'm a powerful human, but still human, is an illuminating truth that is best lived out loud. Here I am, in all my messy vulnerable glory, sharing with you that I am not perfect. And I am perfectly fine with it. My flaws make me real, my yearning makes me real, my humanism might be weak but my spirit is strong strong strong. My penchant for tardiness makes me immature. But my attempt at being early, not just on time; well, eventually I am going to own that life skill. And I will be the girl that is known for respecting everyone so much because I was ON TIME for their thing. That's what this Intentional October month has taught me. It's not about being perfect, it's not about being the most militant, religiously disciplined person on the planet, but it is about creating a healthy structure that I can springboard from. If I'm in the habit of going to bed super early and waking up super early, all to attack that to-do list before my son arises - well, then from time to time, I will be able to deviate from that structure. When life just happens. And I will be able to bounce back into it more quickly.

I am excited to keep moving forward! I have seen so much positive personal change and growth this past month, that I feel like it's been a year! I am adopting these habits from here on out, because I love them. When I hit all of them in one day, I feel like a total rock star. And if I don't hit all of them everyday, I am still a rock star. I am pretty thrilled, because all this effort seems to be paying off. I've scored a handful of freelance writing gigs that I wouldn't have had the time/energy/capacity for in the previous months. But as many of you know, I love writing (obviously, hello, blogger), and I am thrilled for the opportunity to challenge and grow myself in this area. So thank YOU for your support, camaraderie and encouragement during this past month. It's been an enormous source of sustenance.

I want to hear about your experiences! So many of you shared with me as you were going along, and I want to know how your Intentional October goals finished up for you. Did you feel good about the changes you made? Did you feel like you fumbled them? Either way, you are a ROCK STAR. Talk to me, friends! XOX

P.S. - Interested in what Intentional October is all about? Check out why I decided to get intentional in October, the tactics and goals I challenged myself with, and my first week, second week, and third week progress reports :)

Intentional October Update: Week 3.

This picture above is the view through my kitchen window at 5:30 am. Amazing, how it looks so much brighter in the photo than in real life. I think that's how I need to approach my Intentional October goals - they are brighter and more illuminating than they seem with the naked eye. If you're unfamiliar with what Intentional October is all about, you should check out what it means for me, and how I am attempting change this month.

Update.
The thing is, last week I stated that the central focus of the week would be on community; friends and family. And I had so many rich experiences with my people this week! I had the opportunity to celebrate a dear friend's bachelorette party and wedding shower, AND I threw my little sister a surprise wedding shower! Oh, that was really good stuff - she was legitimately surprised. Mission accomplished. Also, my house looks like the set of The Wedding Planner - anyone need to throw a wedding-themed anything? Because I've got you covered. But in all seriousness, I must admit - the interesting thing is that spending time with my loved ones this week often caused me to bend my core values for Intentional October. You can't go out for a fun bachelorette party and still get tucked into bed at 9:30pm. Not possible. You can't go to the gym and exercise when your son has a broken leg and is out of school for the week. And you really can't wake up early if you've been up all night, sick with a fever, only to discover in the morning that your son has one too. Well, that last scenario was a fluke, and had very little to do with my community. But it's been quite a week!

Let's be honest though. That's life, folks. Life just happens. And I want to talk about that a little.

Beating myself up about skipped goals and bent ideals is only a downward spiral. It's not super productive. So I've been learning to start fresh each day, with margins of grace. Grace for scenarios that aren't as rigid as my goals. That's the only way I will continue to stay motivated and find Intentional October continuously fun and inspired. I'm starting to think of Intentional October as my home-base discipline. It's the marathon of life, not a sprint. Sometimes I won't hit every goal of the day. But then tomorrow, I have a fresh start all over again. It's empowering.

Has anyone else run into this on their Intentional October journey? I'd love to hear about how you've been troubleshooting!

Invest in WORK.
The first few weeks of Intentional October were self-focused. Determining a few goals, creating a sustainable calendar for achievement, and getting into the habit of those chosen disciplines. If you're anything like me, those disciplines are still in flex. Continuing to find their place in my hours each day. This past week we focused on our immediate community - how to positively affect our friends and family. This coming week I want to build upon these principles and see how we can make a positive impact in the work place. What does that look like to you? For each of us, that will look different, because the range of "work place" varies significantly. I just want to encourage you to seek out someone at work that could use encouragement, affirmation, or a little extra attention. Take specific time to think through some work place bottle necks - do you have an idea that would better the environment for everyone involved? Gifting just a little special attention to these things could make a positive impact in your work place, so why not try it? Let's.

You've Got This!
I hope you are all still feeling motivated. My thing is, I want to do know that I did my absolute best at the end of this month-long journey. But I also want to know that I lived life to the fullest and enjoyed the vibrant once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. Like watching my sweet modest friend don a silly tiara and veil in public at her bachelorette party. Like watching the shocked look on my sister's face as we all screamed "SURPRISE!!!" at her wickedly fun surprise shower. Like watching my son overcome his broken leg and, STILL, try to walk on it. Smiling at me the whole time. What a little bear. Oh my.

This is the stuff of life. The great moments that I'm not going to miss. And even though there have been moments this week where I've missed a goal here and there, the whole purpose of my goals is to fully embrace THESE moments. And have more of them. And celebrate them. And celebrate me. And celebrate YOU.

Life is beautiful, friends! I believe in your week! Let's make it COUNT!

PS - Did I mention my baby sister is getting married this coming weekend? I'm excited and a mess all at once. Advice for the sister of the bride?! I'm all ears. Or all tears. One of those. :)